I Failed, and What’s More…. I’m Going to do it Again
I know you hear that all the time – it’s true in the greatest sense of the word. You just can’t get to success without some failure. At least, I’ve never seen it happen.
People think I’m pretty open about my failures, and I am – because I believe that if I can save anyone from learning the hard way – it’s worth sharing.
It would be very sad if someone quit trying because of fear of failure – because without trying, there is little chance for success.
The alternative is learning to handle failure.
Failure and ego don’t go together – Ego can be a small part of success – the part where you’re making the deposits or rewarded – but it comes into play when you’ve worked your rear off, and no one noticed. Or – you gave all this good advice and no one’s put it into use. OR – when you just messed up big time and someone brings it to your attention.
How do you get past this? It’s not too easy. After 50+ years, you can develop one massive ego issue if you’re not careful. It can either over-inflate you, over- focus or make you crawl into a hole – however you look at it – I see ego as giant barnacles on your existence.
It’s taken some time to get to the point where I can tell you I made a mistake and not be embarrassed about it – and who knows – maybe my ego just got even bigger. All you can do is keep working toward perfection with the explicit knowledge that perfection doesn’t exist.
Working on your ego allows you to move outside the realm of “self” and see more of what’s in the realm of others. What an enormous sense of relief when you’re not attaching odd occurrences to your personal identity.
- a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
- the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.
- (in metaphysics) a conscious thinking subject.
How to deal with failure….
Be aware of how you feel about it. Remove perfection as a goal and recognize your feelings – anger, disappointment, embarrassment and focus on the lesson to be learned instead of the imperfection.
Bring yourself back to where you are and what you can do right now to change, fix or learn your lesson. How bad is it or what’s the worse that can happen and then deal with it. It’s never as bad as it seems when you’re not bringing in past or future expectations. I normally get a big boost of self-esteem just being able to deal with a crisis.
Let go of your vision. Allow it to realign with reality and then re-establish your vision. I had expectations of running a 6 figure private coaching package. I did that and sold a lot, and some of my customers didn’t put their efforts into it like I thought they should – to get the results. In a case like that – you have no choice – you must realign your vision with what is possible and this opens up even more possibility. Now we have more structure and less of my time. By giving up a pre-conceived notion of what I expected, I was able to allocate better my time and give my customers more actual accountability than high-level coaching – and they do well.
React with thought. By acknowledging and understanding your feelings, like a loss, grief, passion, fear, disappointment – you can move beyond and settle on the work at hand, which often can eliminate those feelings and replace them with feelings of accomplishment, hope and success.
Control isn’t the word I would use when talking about ego – ego is usually not very pretty regardless of which direction it goes. It’s when you let it go that you become free of the pain that’s often involved – good or bad from the ego.
So the song – Idina Menzel sings my ego song.
(sorry for all the parents and grandparents who hear this and then can’t get it out of their head.)
What are some of the things you can let go of today that would make you feel better and free you to test your limits?